Crazy Faith

I am crazy.

After watching this short video by Gospel artist Travis Greene, I became even more convinced of this fact.

If we’re being honest, we have to be pretty crazy to believe in God. To believe in a God that can move mountains, cast out demons, and heal the sick. We must be crazy to believe in an Almighty, all powerful being who can turn water into wine, part the Red Sea and make food that’s just enough for 5, be more than enough to feed thousands. We must be crazy to think that He can multiply to exceedingly and abundantly more than we can even imagine. That He can provide such an overflow it extends to all of those in connection with us.

Quite honestly, we must  be at least a little insane to think that He would create a life, for the sole purpose of saving and redeeming the rest of ours. We have to be crazy to believe He truly is a way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper and light in the darkness like we sing in worship. Especially when everything says that’s impossible; When all of the logical/rational parts of us and the world say it can’t be so. We must be crazy to believe in Him anyway.

And so if we are crazy enough to believe God can do all of those things, how can we not believe that He can do the smaller things? Like cancel out debt? Or provide us with our dream jobs? Or unite us with our soulmate/purpose mate? Or heal our marriages? How can we have so little faith and imagination that we cannot believe God can drive out sickness and heal our bodies?

And if we can believe He can heal our bodies, how can we not be crazy enough to believe He can heal our minds? How can we not be crazy enough to believe God is greater than our depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts? Meanwhile, we claim to believe He was  great enough to raise the dead (Jesus), after 3 days— after being crucified in public— just like He promised He would! How can we not be crazy enough to believe that He can fix our finances and pull us out of the seemingly blackhole we’re in? And yet, we can believe He can raise up Joseph out of the pit and the prison, into the palace after being overlooked, unbelieved, disregarded, forgotten, wrongly accused, and mistreated— solely for being who he was called to be?

Listen, I don’t know about you, but if I’m gonna be crazy, I might as well be filled with the absolute most crazy faith. I might as well be insane enough to believe my breakthrough is coming, my victory is inevitable and the favor & restoration over my life is real. I might as well have enough faith to truly believe that all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose (see Romans 8:28). I might as well be crazy enough to believe that God is still in the business of working miracles. Yes, I might as well be crazy enough to let go, let God and say/sing: “not by might, not by power, by your Spirit God.” (See Zechariah 4:6)

-WhitMcWrites😘

#WhitsWisdom

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To Caretaker, With Love

Late nights.

Early mornings.

Medications.

Slow assisted walks.

Less meals.

A laundry list of things to do.

These are just a few of the things that first come to mind when I think of being a caretaker.

If you watch my Instagram stories or have spoken with me lately, you’d know that someone I love ended up in the hospital unexpectedly on Tuesday night. As terrifying as it was, it was also a sense of relief and gratitude knowing that she was alive and able to return home. However, a few days later, I realized myself sinking deeper and deeper into a funk. Physically, my body was exhausted, mentally, I felt burnt out, and spiritually I felt drained. I didn’t want to eat, all I wanted to do was sleep and work felt like an impossible task. I knew I had to do something, but something just felt too hard.

Then someone asked me if I did yoga that day. Initially, it felt like a really silly question, but then I found myself laughing. I realized I hadn’t done yoga or danced since Monday, before leaving San Diego. After being reminded that both were where I find my peace, joy and freedom, I realized that in the midst of taking care of someone else, I stopped taking care of myself. As hard as it may be to understand, when being a caretaker, you MUST put your self-care first—period. That doesn’t mean you won’t be uncomfortable or make sacrifices, but it does mean you will make your well-being a priority as well.

Though it may sound selfish to you at first, it might just be  one of the most selfless things you can do for your loved one. The way I see it, the better I take care of myself, the better care I can provide. So to help you stay a strong caretaker, here’s a list of 8 tips I’ve compiled and wish someone told me more, especially 8 years ago while my dad was still in his fight with cancer (may he Rest In Peace).

1. Cry. You are allowed to cry. Of course you don’t have to do it all the time, but you may need to do it sometime. That release is good and healthy. As someone who has dealt heavily with depression and emotional numbness, it is a blessing to be able to feel so deeply and release those feelings. Crying doesn’t make you weak, it allows you to be strong.

2. Eat regularly. I definitely get how easy it is to get caught up in the day to day chaos, or numerous tasks to remember. But I promise, you’re more likely to be at your best when you’re not hangry, lightheaded or even physically weak. If you know you’re going to be out & about a lot, especially at doctors visits/hospitals, pack healthy, energizing snacks that you can munch on until your next meal (& meal prep if possible!)

3. Drink lots of water. If you’re busy constantly moving about, I understand how easy it is to forget to drink water. But with all of the stress, the last thing you need to do is get dehydrated. Aim for your gallon of water a day, infuse it with fruit if you need to (especially lemon, which is great for detoxing) but stay hydrated! Especially if you find yourself drinking even more cups of coffee a day to stay awake, it’s probably a good idea to drink more water.  Besides, your hair and skin will thank you!

4. Wash your hair. It may sound silly, but my hair is the first to show me how I’m really doing. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, it gets dry and even starts falling out (especially when I haven’t been drinking as much water!) Doing my hair sometimes seems like such a small thing, but once it’s detangled, freshly washed and smells good, I suddenly feel a little lighter, less frustrated and can think more clearly.

5. Say “NO.” No is not a bad word! Especially when you’re busy taking care of someone else, it’s easy to start feeling bad about missing out on things/events. However, sometimes you simply can’t make it, can’t afford it or really just need to REST. (*This actually applies to everyone, not just caretakers.) But true friends & family, will indeed understand and get over it. Remember, self-care must come first. Listen to your mind, body, and spirit.

6. Ask for help. Quite possibly the most important one on the list! As a caretaker, especially the primary one, it is super easy to become overwhelmed and feel like all of the responsibility falls on you. But it’s okay to ask for help! A lot of the time, people do actually want to help, but don’t know how. So be vocal about your needs and what the person you’re caring for needs. If you need a break/a nap, money, food, someone to cook, transportation, a hug, prayer, or simply someone to listen— speak up. Let someone know because you don’t have to do it all alone, even if you are superman/superwoman.

7. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep! You must sleep, and not just 2 minute naps (although those can come in real clutch sometimes!) Sleep isn’t just for our bodies, it’s for our minds to rest and reset so that all of the worries & responsibilities of the day can take a break. That way we can wake up rejuvenated, with clarity and more energy to take on the way.

8. Engage in small “rebellious” but necessary acts of self-love. Dance, sing, run, do yoga, meditate, use a face mask, do your nails, change your sheets, make a new playlist, talk on the phone, go for a walk, leave the house, journal, light a candle, eat something really yummy, read something new, watch something new (YouTube/Netflix/ sermon/TV), listen to a podcast, pray, etc. These all may seem small at first, but together they can make such a difference. So switch it up if you had to, but sprinkling these acts of self-care throughout the day help make for a happier, healthier caretaker, which will ultimately make for a happier, better cared for loved one.

I hope this helps! Any more tips? Feel free to comment below and add on to this list! Did you find this helpful? Let me know! Should I go LIVE to chat about it? If you have any questions, feel free to drop them below! If this was helpful for you, or you think it could help someone you know, please share!

WhitMcWrites😘

#WhitsWisdom

 

Buy Your Own Flowers!

So I am single.

Super single.

It’s been this way for awhile, because a few years ago, I decided that I no longer wanted to share any piece of myself with anyone who isn’t worthy of me. I decided that no longer would I let just anyone have access to me or my body. As easy as that may sound to some, I found it extremely hard for awhile. I hadn’t realized how easily I had allowed people who’s only intention was to take from me, seep into my daily life. I hadn’t realized how easily and often I had let others rename me and define who I was and what I was deserving of. But that’s the thing: when you spend so long dwelling in a space of toxicity, toxic people, situations, behaviors and environments become your (expected & accepted) norm.

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I recently just finished the audio book, Don’t Settle for Safe by Sarah Jakes Roberts. One of the last few things said was: “Growth requires a discipline to do what most cannot because they are unwilling to risk discomfort.” I can think of quite a few reasons why that statement hit me so hard, but here’s one: Learning to truly love and value myself was uncomfortable. It required lifestyle adjustments, relationship pruning, and several hard, long looks in the mirror. It wasn’t enough for just my circle to change, my heart and my eyes had to change as well.

I had to be willing to look at myself and no longer see broken pieces, but a whole woman. I had to be willing to sit down with myself and figure out what was actually beautiful about me and deserving of more than just the bare minimum. I had to be willing to stop and take the time to determine if there was actually any validity in any of the negative things people spoke to, over and about me— myself included.

With time I realized that the only reason people treated me a certain way is because in some way or another I allowed them to. And the only reason I allowed them to was because I actually believed at that point, that was  the only treatment I was worthy of. But praise God, those days are over! In all of this “super single” time I have done a whole lot of unlearning. However, I have also learned a whole lot about myself as well. Over time, I have discovered that:

I am the creator of my own joy.

I can laugh in the midst of uncertainty.

I hold love at the center of my heart.

I have the power to shift the energy of any space I enter.

Transformation lies at my fingertips.

Radiance drips from my pores.

I am whole.

I am worthy.

I am deserving.

I am a child of God.

I am who He says I am.

I am who I say I am. Growth isn’t always easy but it is always worth it. We have the power to define ourselves and redefine ourselves daily. We have the power to decide what we are willing and unwilling to accept. We have the power to create our own joy, rather than let it be dependent on someone else. So go ahead, buy yourself flowers if you want them!

 

 

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I have decided that I am no longer waiting for someone to see my worth, shower me with love and affection, or buy me flowers. I know my worth. I wrap myself in His love daily. I affirm and empower myself as often as I need to. I buy my own flowers. I am single, but I can honestly say now that I am ready for love. I am strong enough to be whole and magnificent on my own, but ready to be complemented— not completed.  I am ready to receive with open arms what is next for me.

But here’s a little secret: I am in no rush.

What is for me is for me. Period. It will not pass me by. Like a sunflower, it will arise and bloom in it’s own time. In His perfect time. And when it does, it will be beautiful and well worth the wait.

WhitMcWrites😘

#WhitsWisdom

 

 

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Self-Care, Self-Love & Self-Confidence

“I wish I had your level of confidence.”

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This statement, no matter how many times I hear it, never ceases to stir up something in me. This week I received a message from a woman in Nigeria saying how much she admired me, was inspired by me and encouraged by my love for my body. She also said that she wished she had the level of confidence that I did. Now y’all know I am already an emotional being, so it’s probably unsurprising that instantaneously, tears welled up in my eyes. Maybe that seems a little dramatic, but you have to understand: for my entire life, this phrase had been one I only thought to myself about other women (and men).

I never imagined someone, let alone someone a whole continent away would have those thoughts about me. For the longest time, self-confidence seemed like this magical, mystical and elusive concept for me. I have never been thin, something always jiggles when I walk, my skin darkens the moment I step out into the sunlight, my hair transforms on it’s own throughout the day, and I am short– all things that were not celebrated growing up. However, these qualities that once left me insecure are now some of the ones I love most about myself.

I grew up feeling like I was always either too much or not enough. My self-worth was tied to academic excellence, my weight, and people pleasing. Whenever I attempted to lose weight, it was never from a place of self-love, but self- hatred/disappointment. I’d quickly drop a few pounds and see the instant positive reactions I’d receive, which ironically made me feel even worse about myself. So soon enough I’d be back to my old ways, continuing on in a never ending cycle.

I’d open up a Victoria’s Secret catalog, knowing darn well that once again I would not find someone who looks remotely like me in inside. I don’t think I ever actually thought that I’d look better as a size 2, but rather that the world would like and accept me better. And then I got to college, where apparently being “thick” was a thing people aspired to be and have. So when men (and women) began to make known how phenomenal they believed my body to be and their attraction to it, a small voice whispered, “You are now worthy (of love). You are now desirable.”

But I still didn’t feel worthy, confident, or loved. I felt like a tool, an imposter and lonely. So of course, my actions reflected as such. I wasn’t concerned with my physical health and my weight constantly fluctuated. My faith always seemed to be hanging on by a thread, meanwhile my mental health continued to dwindle with a deepening depression and increasing panic. I clung tight to toxic relationships/situationships/friendships because they were the only ones I thought I was worthy of.

So what happened? Did I just wake up one day and say,” You know what, I think I wanna be confident and love myself now!” Of course not! Self-love truly is a journey. It started with small changes, small wins, small seeds of faith, and small desires that grew bigger with time. I believe that self-love, self-confidence and self- care all go hand in hand. After all, how can you be confident in a person you do not love? Why would you engage in practices to care for yourself in mind, body and spirit if you do not love yourself?

So where did I find this confidence? If I’m being honest, I’d say first and foremost, I found it in God. I wondered how in the world God could continue to use me for His glory and positively impact other people while I was so broken. I wondered how I could possibly continue to doubt my worth and claim that I loved God. Because with even the deepest levels of depression working to consume me, one truth remained: I AM STILL HERE. So that must mean something. That must mean that in some way my life had WORTH and PURPOSE, no matter my appearance, my failures, my mistakes, my trauma, or my circumstances.

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The more my faith and love for God grew, the greater my love for self became. Slowly but surely I began taking certain actions of self-care, like writing more often, dancing more, and eating less foods that I knew were harmful to my body. As I danced, my confidence grew, as did my comfort with and love for my body. Now, (and for the past 3+ years) I no longer share any piece of my body with just anybody. I made (and have maintained) certain personal commitments to myself and God— willingly. Lastly, but possibly most importantly: I WALKED AWAY FROM THE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS.

I let them go.

I let them go.

I let them go.

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I let go of or created distance from anyone who was: emotionally abusive, consistently disturbing my peace, manipulating me, draining my energy, abusing my kindness, didn’t have my best interest in mind, was filled with negativity, triggered/encouraged unhealthy behaviors, diminished my faith, downplayed my dreams, couldn’t support me or who’s spirit just didn’t sit well with me.

Of course I have messed up countless times. I won’t claim to have it all figured it— because I don’t. But what I do know is that it is possible to be self- confident, filled with an abundance of self-love and practice self-care. It may not always be easy, but I promise, it will be worth it. If you feel you need something to get you started on (or dig deeper into) your self-love journey, here’s a few questions to consider:

*I recommend getting a pen and paper to write down your responses

  • Who am I?
  • Who do I desire to be?
  • What does my self-care look like? (*see my self-care check in for guidance)
  • What makes me happy?
  • What are my goals?
  • How do I define my worth?
  • How do I define self-confidence? Self-love?
  • What would self-love look like on me?
  • What is preventing me from moving to the next level in my self-love journey?

These are are just a few to get you started! Are there any more you can think of? Please feel free to let me know and send any questions my way! I’ll try my best to answer them as well as I can.

Remember, you are not alone. Your life matters. You are so worthy. You are so deserving. You are so capable.

I see you.

I see you.

I see you.

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Love + light.

-WhitMcWrites 😘

#WhitsWisdom

***All of these amazing photos were taken by Amanda Clare. For more photos from this series, be sure to follow her on Instagram, @divulgenyc !***

“I Declare” : A Warrior’s Declaration

We have just entered a new month and with it comes a new chance to begin again. As I enter August, I can’t shake the feeling that my whole life is about to change— in business, in ministry, in my everyday life and even in romance. However, I knew that I could not enter this new realm acting the same. But before my actions could change, I knew my mindset had to change. The way I speak to and of myself had to change. So, here is the declarative statement I wrote. I hope this encourages you to take a few moments today and write your own. There is power in the tongue. What we speak is what becomes. So let’s speak LIFE over ourselves. Here is my Warrior’s Declaration:

This is not a game,
So NO MORE playing small!
No more thinking small.
No more dreaming small.
No more praying small.

I AM who HE says I am.

I AM who I declare I am.

Greater is waiting for me on the other side of fear.

This isn’t about me anymore.
This is about all the souls I’m called to help heal.
This is for all those lost, searching and begging for light and direction.
This is for those in need of love who need to be wrapped tightly in His love.
This is for those who have been broken time and time again, who need to see that the breakthrough is real.
This is for those who don’t/didn’t think they were gonna make it.
This is for those who don’t see a way out.
This is for those that need to learn how to forgive— themselves and others.
This is for those that need a reason to live another day.
This is for those who need to experience worship.
This is for those who need a prayer warrior, a prophetess, a preacher and a poet.
This is for those who’s limbs yearn to move for God.

I am not lacking.
I am not incapable.
I am not unqualified—He has qualified me with His grace.

I am extraordinary.
I am more than a conqueror.
I am a child of God.

He is the author and the finisher.
I am the pen and paper.

I will pray with expectancy—for He has done great things.
I will pray with power—for He is behind and beside me.
I will pray with promise — for I know all things work for the good of those who love the Lord.

I will praise Him with my mind, body and spirit.
I will glorify Him always.
I will let my light shine.

No more dimming myself.
No more hiding.
No more excuses.
Only faith.
Only God.
Only now.

For salvation happens in the present.
Renewal happens in the present.
The magic happens in the present.

And presently, I declare that my time is HERE and NOW.
My breakthrough isn’t coming— it’s currently happening.

I DECLARE:

That fear has no place here and holds no power over me; I will not give doubt a foothold.

That joy surrounds and abounds in me; love will follow me wherever I go.
I am lacking of nothing; everything I need is within reach and accessible to me.
I am limitless; with Him, all things are possible— the possibilities are endless.
I am abundant; goodness is continuously flowing to and through me.
I am light; no darkness can dim my shine, only magnify its power.
I am powerful; His strength is being renewed in me day by day.
I am anointed; my gifts will make room for me, if I make room for them.

I can and I will.

I am who I am.

I am beginning again.

I am ready.

This time, I am prepared to win.

 

WhitMcWrites😘

#WhitsWisdom

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“How you doing?” : A Self- Care Check-In

“How you doing?”

When we hear this phrase, a lot of us probably think of Wendy Williams or maybe even Joey from Friends. Perhaps we even think of a close friend who is always quick to ask us how we’re handling this thing called life. But how often do we actually ask ourselves this question? How often do we set aside time to be introspective and really be honest with ourselves about how we are feeling and why we are feeling that way?

Well, if you’re like me, the answer is definitely not often enough! This past week, once again was pretty hectic for me, and after having a successful book reading event at my church, I finally found the time to acknowledge all I had been “too busy” to feel during the past 7 days. Now I’m not about to delve into all of my feelings and everything I discovered about myself, because let’s be honest: I’d be here for days and could write a whole other book on it!

But for one thing, I was tired: physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I honestly wanted to sleep for 3 days straight, but knew that wasn’t about to happen. So when a friend I haven’t seen in awhile asked if I wanted to go to the beach early Saturday morning, I figured that would have to do! After writing on letting go and saying no last week, I decided I needed to honor my feelings once again and simply cancel dance class for Saturday, especially with my teaching partner still away on vacation. I realized, that I did in fact need even a short break as well.

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Of course, I’m not saying to cancel your whole life and shirk all your responsibilities & commitments. Nor am I saying to sit on your bed for hours each day to think about your feelings and wallow in them. However, I do think it is very important for our personal growth, health and relationships to have self-care check-ins daily— even if it is just for a few minutes.

So to help you get started, I figured I’d compile a short list of questions you can ask yourself daily (or at least weekly) to check-in on your physical, mental/emotional and spiritual health.

Physical Health:

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How is my body feeling?

  • Have I stretched/exercised lately?
  • Have I been drinking (enough) water?
  • What have I been eating? Have I been cognizant or careless about what I’m putting in my body?
  • Have I been over exerting myself or expending a lot more energy than usual?
  • What have I done today/this week to treat myself? (i.e. Taking a long bath, drinking herbal tea, going for a walk, deep conditioning hair, facial/mask, trip to the spa, etc)

Mental/Emotional Health:

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How am I feeling?

  • Have I been feeling a lot lately or a little? Have I been holding in anything or very expressive & emotional? Why?
  • Have I laughed a lot lately? Have I been crying often? Why?
  • Did anything triggering/traumatic happen this week? Did anything exciting or motivating happen?
  • How stressful or overwhelming has today/this week been?
  • What coping strategies have I been implementing to combat this stress, anxiety or depression? (Are these healthy strategies?)
  • How have I celebrated myself, my small victories or accomplishments today/this week?

Spiritual Health:

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How close do I feel to God?

  • Have I prayed much lately? What have I consistently been praying for? (Am I praying & worrying at the same time?)
  • How much time have I spent in worship/praise?
  • Have I had any fellowship time with friends, family or even strangers?
  • How have I served others this week? Do I feel drained or restored afterwards?
  • Have I been moving with an attitude of gratitude?
  • Have I been reading my Bible? Have I been watching/listening to any sermons/inspirational talks?

BONUS:

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Have I taken time to breathe today?

As simple of a question this might be, it actually ties into physical, mental/emotional and spiritual health. Taking time to just breathe or meditate throughout the day can be such a game changer to our mind, body and spirit if we just remember to do it!

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“Remember.” An excerpt from my poetry book,  Awakenings.

So today, and this coming week, please remember to breathe.

Remember to take just a few moments, and ask yourself:

“How you doing?”

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WhitMcWrites😘

#WhitsWisdom

The Art of Letting Go

 

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“Today, I said ‘no.’

A rush of adrenaline overwhelmed me.

I may try it again tomorrow.”

-An excerpt from Awakenings by Whitney McNulty

How often do we say no?

For some people, that seems to be their favorite word. They have no trouble clearing their throat and shouting very loudly: NO! However, for those of you out there who are like me, who was raised as a “yes man” and a people pleaser, “no” feels like such a dirty word. But I’ve been learning day by day how important that one little word can be in your self-love journey.

For the past few years, people have been constantly telling me, “just let it go.” Whether it was work related, a personal loss or had to do with relationships, they’d continue to yell this advice at me time and time again. Meanwhile, in my head I’m screaming “this isn’t Frozen, it’s not that easy!” Maybe it’s just me, but “just letting it go” proved to be quite a difficult task for me. Of course I wanted to (who wants to walk around with all that weight on their shoulders, right?) but I didn’t even know where to begin. But this past week, it finally clicked: in order to let go, I have to start saying no.

Last week was really hectic for me. It felt like I had a billion things to do and not enough time to do it. There was a particular event I had agreed to participate in, even though from the very beginning I knew that it would be a real inconvenience for me with everything else going on. However, after much back and forth, I said yes, once again putting others wants before mine. Fast forward to the day of the event, and needless to say my body gave out on me. Even though my back, knees, and shoulders said, “nah, we need a break,” my mind said otherwise. Even though one of my best friends told me I needed to slow down and take care of myself instead, I wouldn’t hear it.

It wasn’t until my mother said the same thing, but added in, “oh I forget, you never say no anyone,” that I actually considered canceling. That statement triggered something in me and reminded me that as much as I’ve grown and claim to love myself, I don’t always make the best decisions with myself in mind. So for once, I decided to put my physical health, mental and emotional well being first and cancelled. At first, my anxiety was overwhelming. But then a few moments later, I just breathed, accepted the decision I had made, and suddenly felt overcome with relief.

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I chose me.

I chose to say no to a situation that was disturbing my peace.

I chose to say no to something that was going to put my health at risk.

I chose to say no to letting my anxiety get the best of me.

Yes, I chose to let go of the spiraling thoughts concerning what people might say or think as a result of my action.

I chose to let go of all expectations– self-imposed and otherwise.

I chose to value me.

So what does it really take to let go? I’d say it simply takes the willingness to make that decision. It requires actively and intentionally putting your well-being first. It requires being able to close your eyes, cancel out the noise and find peace in the chaos long enough to actually make self-serving decisions. I’m not saying to only ever think of yourself. But, I think in some way we always have to consider ourselves. And it takes time. It takes practice. It takes trial and error. Letting go is an art, and maybe you won’t master it overnight– but that is okay. Just like any new lifestyle change, it requires being consistent to create a new habit until it can become a way of life.

But it’s time.

It’s time that we start seeing ourselves as worthy of our own love.

It’s time that we start making the conscious decision to let go of all that extra baggage weighing us down.

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It’s time that we release ourselves from our pasts, our mistakes, society’s standards, negative self-talk, limited thinking, toxic people/spaces, the mindset of lack, and fear.

Yes, it’s time that we start moving forward, fearlessly.

It’s time that we start saying no.

It’s time that we start letting go.

 

WhitMcWrites😘

#WhitsWisdom

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