So I am single.
It’s been this way for awhile, because a few years ago, I decided that I no longer wanted to share any piece of myself with anyone who isn’t worthy of me. I decided that no longer would I let just anyone have access to me or my body. As easy as that may sound to some, I found it extremely hard for awhile. I hadn’t realized how easily I had allowed people who’s only intention was to take from me, seep into my daily life. I hadn’t realized how easily and often I had let others rename me and define who I was and what I was deserving of. But that’s the thing: when you spend so long dwelling in a space of toxicity, toxic people, situations, behaviors and environments become your (expected & accepted) norm.
I recently just finished the audio book, Don’t Settle for Safe by Sarah Jakes Roberts. One of the last few things said was: “Growth requires a discipline to do what most cannot because they are unwilling to risk discomfort.” I can think of quite a few reasons why that statement hit me so hard, but here’s one: Learning to truly love and value myself was uncomfortable. It required lifestyle adjustments, relationship pruning, and several hard, long looks in the mirror. It wasn’t enough for just my circle to change, my heart and my eyes had to change as well.
I had to be willing to look at myself and no longer see broken pieces, but a whole woman. I had to be willing to sit down with myself and figure out what was actually beautiful about me and deserving of more than just the bare minimum. I had to be willing to stop and take the time to determine if there was actually any validity in any of the negative things people spoke to, over and about me— myself included.
With time I realized that the only reason people treated me a certain way is because in some way or another I allowed them to. And the only reason I allowed them to was because I actually believed at that point, that was the only treatment I was worthy of. But praise God, those days are over! In all of this “super single” time I have done a whole lot of unlearning. However, I have also learned a whole lot about myself as well. Over time, I have discovered that:
I am the creator of my own joy.
I can laugh in the midst of uncertainty.
I hold love at the center of my heart.
I have the power to shift the energy of any space I enter.
Transformation lies at my fingertips.
Radiance drips from my pores.
I am whole.
I am worthy.
I am deserving.
I am a child of God.
I am who He says I am.
I am who I say I am. Growth isn’t always easy but it is always worth it. We have the power to define ourselves and redefine ourselves daily. We have the power to decide what we are willing and unwilling to accept. We have the power to create our own joy, rather than let it be dependent on someone else. So go ahead, buy yourself flowers if you want them!
I have decided that I am no longer waiting for someone to see my worth, shower me with love and affection, or buy me flowers. I know my worth. I wrap myself in His love daily. I affirm and empower myself as often as I need to. I buy my own flowers. I am single, but I can honestly say now that I am ready for love. I am strong enough to be whole and magnificent on my own, but ready to be complemented— not completed. I am ready to receive with open arms what is next for me.
But here’s a little secret: I am in no rush.
What is for me is for me. Period. It will not pass me by. Like a sunflower, it will arise and bloom in it’s own time. In His perfect time. And when it does, it will be beautiful and well worth the wait.