Spare Change

Friday afternoon, I was coming home from work and passed the nearby park. In the grass, I spotted tons of rust colored, fallen leaves. I was filled with frustration and thought, “It is August! Why won’t fall just let us be great and wait a few more weeks?” I thought to myself, “It can’t be time yet, I’m not ready for the change of season.” I wanted summer to stay. I wanted the long carefree days, the sunshine, late sunsets and (semi) comfortable space I had been living in. I wasn’t ready.

But the thing is: Change happens. When we least expect it and when we’re least ready for it. It pops up unexpectedly. Just after we’ve already prepared for its arrival at a later date, at a more stable time, leaves begin to fall weeks ahead of schedule. Before the calendar says so, they change. They let go. They adapt. Without warning. But, the tree survives.The tree survives. It does its very own self-pruning and survives. Releasing what no longer serves a purpose to prepare to nourish the new growth that swells within. Somehow, thinking about these leaves I began to realize: I can’t live as someone who hasn’t changed. Who resists change. Who refuses to leave the cocoon; the safe place. Who refuses to emerge as a beautiful, liberated butterfly. You see, the butterfly’s life was already predestined. Thus, so was her flight. So I refuse to stay concealed and suffocate. Not anymore. Not when I was born to rise. Not when I was born to be alive.

No longer will I choose to run away. Fight or flight isn’t just a response; it is a choice. I may not necessarily be able to choose whether I am afraid, but I can surely choose what I do after I acknowledge that I am scared. I can choose to feel the fear and then trap it. I can refuse to let it take control. I can decide to consciously close that window of opportunity for doubt to creep out and cripple me. I can choose to walk away and towards my destiny; towards who I was created to be. I can choose to be me. I can choose to be free. I am a healer. A lover and a healer; by birth and by choice. Sometimes reminiscent of the Giver. Always reminiscent of the Creator. Forever made in His image. Forever made to be whole. So yes, I can spare a little change. It serves the soul well.

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